I recently sat down with a Marine veteran turned wealth advisor, and the conversation circled one question that hits every leader at some point:
Who are you now?
He left a 20-year career in the Marine Corps. Before that, he was a Division I football player who transitioned into rugby and became an All-American. Twice in his life, he’d already experienced the death of identity.
First: I’m not a football player anymore.
Then: I’m not a Marine anymore.
We bonded instantly, as we shared so much of our life’s trajectory. If you’ve left sport, left the military, left a title, or outgrown a version of yourself, you know that feeling.
The silence after the applause.
The space where certainty used to live.
In that pending liminal space, the band doesn’t play. The credits don’t roll. The curtains don’t fall.
There is no “fade to black”. The show goes on.
Veterans Aren’t Broken
One of the things we came together on is this: in veteran circles, the narrative often becomes, “Let’s fix what’s wrong with you.”
PTSD. Transition struggles. Lost purpose.
Now let me be clear, real trauma exists. It deserves real support.
But that cannot be the only story.
Because the truth is this:
You led people in chaos.
You operated in uncertainty.
You made decisions with consequences.
That doesn’t make you broken.
It makes you capable.
The conversation has to shift from “How do we get you back to neutral?” to “How do we leverage what you’ve built?”
If you can lead Marines, run operations, deploy overseas, you can play in your next arena. Period.
The Trap High Performers Fall Into
He went on to describe something every business owner and advisor understands.
There are clients who energize you.
And there are clients who drain you.
The problem? The draining ones often pay well.
So you rationalize it.
You tolerate it.
You convince yourself you “have to.”
Now, try this on and see how it fits…
If you build a business around people you don’t want to serve, you don’t own a business.
It owns you.
This is why it is truly important to lead with aura (A.R.A.):
Anchor – Get still long enough to identify your real priorities. Health. Wealth. Relationships. Time.
Release – Let go of the clients, roles, expectations, and narratives that don’t serve that life.
Align – Take deliberate action toward the version of yourself you’re becoming.
It’s not about balance. Balance is a myth.
It’s about harmony.
The Moment That Changed Everything for Me
A few years ago, I was on my patio during a monsoon in Arizona. It was 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. My kids were losing their minds in the rain; laughing, running, fully alive.
I had this out-of-body moment.
I saw myself sitting there with my wife, present.
And I realized: if I had kept building my life the old way (chasing credentials, chasing status) I wouldn’t have been there.
This was so massive for me!
From achievement to alignment.
From ego to insulation.
Everything I build now is designed to protect moments like that.
To me, that’s success.
Lead Like Your Son Is in the Formation
He shared a story from a general who told him:
“Lead like your son is part of the formation.”
That applies far beyond the military.
Lead your business like your son is watching.
Build your book like your daughter will inherit it.
Structure your time like your family is the mission.
Because at some point, the medals fade.
The titles change.
The LinkedIn headline updates.
But the relationships? Those remain.
So What’s the Point?
You are not your last chapter.
You are not your rank.
Not your sport.
Not your revenue.
You are the person capable of becoming whatever the next mission requires.
The question is:
Will you anchor, release, and align?
Or will you keep clinging to an identity that no longer serves you?
The Next Easiest Step
Block 30 minutes this week. No phone. No email. No noise.
Answer these four questions in writing:
- Who am I clinging to that I’m no longer required to be?
(Athlete. Marine. Founder. Provider. Grinder.) - Which clients, commitments, or conversations drain me right now?
- What moments in my life do I want more of?
(Be specific. Tuesday afternoon in the rain. Coaching jiu-jitsu. Dinner without a laptop.) - What would I need to release to protect those moments?
Then do one uncomfortable thing within 72 hours:
- Fire or transition one misaligned client.
- Block family time on your calendar as non-negotiable.
- Delegate something you’ve been hoarding.
- Say no to something that doesn’t serve your future self.
Not dramatic.
Not reckless.
Aligned.
Because identity doesn’t shift through reflection alone. It shifts through action.
Alignment First. Progress Always.
Next Level HQ
Next Level exists to help leaders reconnect to their peace, presence, and power by integrating identity with environment, not forcing willpower alone.