Breakups can be brutal.
Even when they’re necessary.
Even when they’re loving.
Even when they’re the only option left.
Joanna and I ended our business partnership. She is someone I deeply respect and care about. And what surfaced wasn’t conflict.
It was a pattern, lingering from an outdated identity that no longer served me.
A noble sense of responsibility… that slowly mutates into toxic obligation… that eventually manifests as resentment.
That pattern has fueled a lot of my success. It made me dependable. Loyal. Steady under pressure. The guy who stabilizes the chaos.
It has also quietly cost me.
The Pattern Beneath the Partnership
Sitting with a friend and healer recently (someone who knew nothing about the ins and outs of our partnership) I started sharing how I think, how I lead, how I show up.
She tuned into to some of my “word codes”, that language we use that carries an energetic hidden meaning, and interrupted gently.
“Where else does that exist in your life?”
I defaulted to the story I usually tell. The Air Force Academy. Getting kicked out. The inciting incident of my adult life.
She laughed.
“No. This goes way further back than that.”
And she was right.
We traced it all the way back to birth order. Second of four alpha boys. Maybe five if you count my dad. I became the stabilizer. The mediator. The one who absorbed responsibility to keep the system intact.
It wasn’t wrong. It was adaptive.
But what once protected me started creating internal friction.
And my partnership was the last remaining stronghold of that old pattern.
Moving Beyond Blame
Here’s what surprised me.
Owning my role didn’t create shame. It created freedom.
When you move beyond blame of them, of you, of circumstance, you can finally see clearly.
I was able to sit with all the beauty in the partnership, that was actually the essence of our friendship:
- The growth.
- The loyalty.
- The lessons.
- The shared wins.
And simultaneously acknowledge why it had to end.
That’s maturity.
That’s alignment.
Leading From the Neck Down
When it came time to have the conversation, I did what I always do: I tried to script it.
Her voice from that conversation kept coming back to me:
“Don’t worry about what you’re going to say. Let your heart lead. The words will take care of themselves.”
For someone as cerebral as I am, that’s terrifying advice.
But I leaned into it.
Instead of leading from the neck up, I led from the neck down.
And it was objectively beautiful.
Ownership was taken from the both of us.
Gratitude was expressed.
Progress was celebrated.
We supported each other emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually through the transition.
No scorched earth.
No silent resentment.
No dragged-out decay.
Just two adults, partners, friends choosing alignment over attachment.
So What’s the Point?
Most leaders don’t avoid hard conversations because they lack skill.
They avoid them because they haven’t unpacked the pattern underneath them.
Breakups, business or personal, hurt the most when they activate an old identity:
- The fixer.
- The stabilizer.
- The responsible one.
- The one who holds it all together.
If you don’t examine the pattern, you’ll repeat it.
If you do examine it, you get to choose differently.
This is uncharted territory for me.
But it feels like peace.
It feels like presence.
It feels like power.
And that’s alignment. I am grateful.
The Next Easiest Step
Ask yourself one honest question:
Where in your life has responsibility quietly turned into obligation?
Sit with it.
Don’t rush to fix it.
Don’t rush to justify it.
Just notice it.
Courageous self-awareness is the first rep.
Alignment First. Progress Always.
Next Level HQ
Next Level exists to help leaders reconnect to their peace, presence, and power by integrating identity with environment, not forcing willpower alone.