You can deliver a great talk and still miss the point.
That’s the tension most leaders avoid. So much less a “fear of public speaking”, and more so a fear of feedback (both direct and indirect).
You get applause. You get validation. You get enough positive feedback to justify staying the same. But buried inside the noise is the one insight that actually moves you forward.
What’s counterintuitive is, that little nugget that yields exponential returns in your ability to communicate and convey your message in a compelling way, is wrapped in a bundle of seemingly negative criticism!
And if you’re not careful, your ego will filter it out.
This showed up for me in a HUGE way in the aftermath of my last keynote to kick off a business convention in Tucson, AZ last month!
1. Not All Feedback Is Equal, But It’s All Useful
There’s a difference between reactive criticism and intentional feedback.
One is emotional.
The other is instructional.
In the case of my last talk, the public critique felt combative. It triggered a defensive response. That’s human.
But the private message? That’s where the gold was. Feedback fully contextualized and presented from a place of improvement, not triggered reaction.
The insight wasn’t about what you said.
It was about how it landed.
The emotionally triggered response stung HARD.
The private message, off to the side, was thought out and caring.
Leadership is not about the message intended. It’s about a message received.
If even one person feels excluded by your language, that’s not failure. It’s data.
If there is anything I’ve learned, its this, I can only control the words I say, and how they are said. Still I have absolutely ZERO control over how those words are received.
Even further, if I’m truly on the path to communicating as effectively as possible, when my communication misses the mark, even by the slightest little bit, I am willing to go back to the drawing board and where a shift can be made.
2. You’re Not There to Be Right. You’re There to Be Effective
I wasn’t trying to convince anyone. That’s good.
But here’s where I used to, and most leaders get it twisted:
Even subtle language can signal, “this is the right way.”
And the moment someone feels outside of that frame, they disconnect.
Not because they disagree. Because they don’t feel seen.
The shift?
From: “This is true.”
To: “This is my experience, and here’s my invitation for you.”
That’s leadership.
It invites. It doesn’t impose.
3. Engagement Beats Perfection Every Time
You don’t need a better talk. This used to keep me from speaking for a long time!
You need a more felt experience.
The breakthrough wasn’t the content. It was when I slowed down, connected, and created a shared moment with the audience.
That’s the standard.
People don’t remember what I said.
They remember how they felt.
And if they’re not engaged, they’re not transforming.
So ask yourself:
- Where can I help them think?
- Where can I help them feel?
- Where can I invite their participation?
Because a talk without engagement is just information.
And information doesn’t change lives.
So What’s the Point?
Your growth lives inside the feedback you don’t want to hear.
Your Next EASIEST Step:
Step outside yourself next time you’re INTENTIONALLY communicating a specific message. Objectively observe whether the message intended was the message received.
- How many times did you have to make your point?
- How many different ways did you have to state it?
- Are you experiencing friction where their shouldn’t be any?
Based on the answers that present themselves it may require a trip back to the drawing board.
Alignment First. Progress Always.
Next Level HQ
Next Level exists to help leaders reconnect to their peace, presence, and power by integrating identity with environment, not forcing willpower alone.